This was the question I asked the other day during my daily question of the day text. There already are many delicious conspiracy theories out there about the oil spill, some involving the media, others BP, and even some claiming Obama fabricated the whole thing; and amongst all these theories the one I find most plausible is Lex Luthor's involvement. Yes, clearly a man with a history of altering the geology of the planet in attempts at supreme wealth and world domination should be a prime suspect in the pointing fingers game!
If you delve into the mind of the very same evil genius who bought all the cheap realestate of the California desert just so he could trigger the San Andreas Fault with a nuclear missle sending the prime coastline into the Pacific, therefore making his cheap desert land expensive beachfront property, the oil leak crisis makes sense! Think of all the world dominating things that one can achieve from leaking tons of oil into the Gulf!
1) Luthor could come in with a cure to soak up the oil and stop the leak, but only release the cure to the public with the promise of owning the entire Caribbean. Thus beginning Luthorian Empire.
2) He could strategically manipulate the oil to herd all the dolphins and sharks of the Gulf together to breed them and create super powerful shark-dolphin hybrids with the intelligence of the dolphin with the teeth and cold malice of the shark. With them he could create an army and conquer the world.
3) Luthor could also use the oil leak to sway all the tourists who originally wanted to hang out in Cancun or Key West to his beachfront desert property in California.
4) OR while people are distracted with cleaning the surface of the Gulf, and while the air remains a no-fly-zone, he is in the works of creating his underwater super lair. He already has a newly refurbished volcano lair in Iceland.
The possibilities are endless! But now the REAL question is: Where is Superman? Has he given up his superpowers to become human so he can make love to Lois Lane again? Or is he just weeping in the Fortress of Solitude because his new movie was such a flop, and Smallville just keeps on making more and more outrageous seasons without Rosenbaum or Kruek even when the show should have ended about 6 or 7 seasons on a high note.
Don't get me wrong, I happen to like Superman even though most people I talk to think he's a pansy in comparison to Batman and Spiderman who have to work harder to save the world instead of having 50 + powers including the ability to shoot rainbows out of his eyes. I like him for the same reason Bill parallel's Beatix Kiddo's existance to his: That Superman is the reality, and Clark Kent is the disguise.
But yes, it is clear that Superman has gone AWOL for some reason, but if he happens to reappear, how would he solve the oil spill crisis? When I posed the question to my peers, I recieved these answers:
* Drink it ~Alison L.
* He'd cheat like he always does and just conveniently find some gay way to get the ob done... fuck superman batman FTW ~Alonso L.
* Giant box of super absorbent tampons lol ~Andrew W.
* He wudn't ~Cody V.
* Just the doctor ~Dave L.
* He'd use rainbow eye vision. Because that solves everything. ~Jess C.
* By being superman... Flying under water and fixing it... ~Darren Z
* Nothing because he cannot swim ~Giblin
* Drop loads of tampons and put a giant in the source of the leak. ~Matt M.
* He'd ask crude oil man to clean it up for him. ~Sean C.
* Duh he would go underwater and clog it up then drink all the oil up and regurgitate it to my car for fuel since I paid off my car this month! ~Matt D.
* He would drink it all up then piss out a new fresh Gulf ~Craig D.
* Can't. Oil spill is supermans kryptonite. ~Jon R.
He would use his heat vision to craft a giant scoop from used plastic shopping bags which he would thenuse to gather the oil and fly it to space and burn it ~Jake R.
* He'd dive down and fix it and then drink the oil out of the water without asking the government for permission. ~Meghan H.
* Trick question because it never would happen ~Sebastian W.
* Well if this were superman the movie, superman would spin around the world to make it go back in time. But I think in this case superman would drink all of the water from the gulf and then pee it out clean. What a guy. ~Levi B.
* With his cock. ~Kike L.
So as you can see, there are a variety of eco-friendly ways to solve the crisis if only Superman would come back from visiting the ruins of Krypton, or doing Lois Lane, or tending the farm, etc. So come back Superman! Lex Luthor must be stopped!
